What Does It Mean To Be Male?

One of the best effects of the women's liberation and feminist movements is that people have spent a lot of time trying to understand what it means to be female.

Right off the bat, this approach causes some problems as all males and all females don't fall in line the same way. Still, when you consider the separation of men and women in society plus biological differences and a history of discrimination, you have the justification for grouping people along gender lines to some degree.

Men are behind the curve when it comes to understanding ourselves. This hurts the feminist movement, too. It is hard to create a truly healthy society when we are trying hard to understand only half of our members. It is almost impossible for women to find true equality and fulfilment if men are not in a healthy, enlightened place as well. That is what makes us a society--we are in this together. Since our hurts come from relationships our healing will no doubt come from relationships too, as someone once said (I don't remember who that is). There is going to be a limit to how far our society can go if only half of us are healthy, trying to interact with unhealthy people.

There is a "masculinism" movement out there. It is small and not always popular, but in some ways that is to be expected. If we live in a society where we just assume that male = bad, female = good, then we are bound to ruffle some feathers when we show (just like feminists have been doing) that things are not always what they seem and societal assumptions--even some that have been held for centuries--can be flat wrong.

It is also wrong to assume that being male is "Easy Street" while being female is not. Those simple categories just don't hold up to a closer evaluation. However, you might be amazed to find out how hard people will fight to hold onto their preconceived notions. For a society that is weary of female discrimination, just on the cusp of making some great strides, probably the last thing it wants to hear are the concerns from its male members. But again, you can't address one without the other, unless the goal is simply to replace one form of discrimination with another.

On a Mission

So then what does it mean to be male? You ask anybody out there, probably the first response you hear is "competitive." You may also hear words such as "domineering" or "aggressive." I have never found those words satisfying, and I think they miss the point. That's like saying that all women are "bossy" and "bitchy." You can find some truth there, but you will miss the true essence of a person with words like that. You might also have to deal with the Political Correctness Police.

One idea that I have heard bandied about is "adventure." Somehow, someway, a healthy man will have adventure in his life. More importantly, he will see his life as an adventure. A quest. A mission. Just like Abraham leading his people to Canaan or Moses leading them back to the Promised Land, a man needs to believe his life has a mission.

Even if man is working 9-5 in some office with diapers to be changed at home, there is no reason why he cannot perceive his family life in adventure-terms. Men like challenges: Bringing home the bacon and getting mouths fed can be a satisfying challenge at the end of each day. Building a better life and raising good kids can all be seen as mission-driven. A lot depends on how men choose to interpret their lives. A society that can't find a way for its men to channel these God-given energies is going to have a population filled with angst who will eventually lash out, and all of society will pay for it.

Church

Some have said that the churches have lost the male element because of this as well. Christianity has been accused of largely presenting itself in feminine terms and has thus lost male enthusiasm. This may seem outrageous, because a counter accusation is that Christianity has too often tried to present a "male" God with men in the institutional positions of power. But consider this: When you look at your average congregation, the enthusiasm and active involvement is mostly through the female members. Men have been sort of hangin' in there for 700 years, which is surprising since men supposedly have the power. Being "pastoral" is often seen as a nurturing profession to be in--a trait largely considered feminine. It is not that the churches have been ignoring men--they just have not been connecting to them.

I am not suggesting we re-create Christianity to go on military Crusades again. But if you look at the highly successful recruitment tools of the US military, there is no reason why Christianity can't appeal along the same lines: Teamwork. Adventure. Challenge. Mission. Camaraderie. These terms get a lot closer toward the essence of maleness--they probably still fall short but they are a lot closer than "aggressive" or "competitive." Imagine all those sickening Army commercials instead advertising an outreach mission along the same lines! There is no reason why we can't go on a mission to clean up the environment or extol the camaraderie of Christian brotherhood. Christ himself was the Messiah--the "one sent", and his mission was to "save us." He came from somewhere and he was going somewhere.

We should never have allowed the military to co-opt those characteristics. We never should have allowed religion to refuse them. Is there a way to manifest the same zeal people feel toward taking up arms to protect our country and instead take up bricks and mortar to build homes for the homeless or deliver grain to the hungry with every ounce of military fervor? Or instead of Christian get-togethers being spoken of in terms of group hugs and affirmations to instead talk about camaraderie and our common work together?

Instead of attending church and just "being there", we need to present church as "going somewhere." Where are we headed? What are we trying to accomplish? Men need to be on the move--like Abraham, like Moses, like the "One Sent."

I actually have nothing against group hugs or the pastoral/nurturing side of ministry work. I am a male who finds those elements extraordinarily appealing. But I think we are missing a lot of people who take a quick look and find that religion doesn't resonate in their being, even if they want it to. War is stupid, but the military excites them on some level that can't be denied.

Keep in mind, I am not advocating for unlimited military symbolism in religion or to describe maleness. We have enough cases where religious mission is described with battle imagery and good vs. evil vocabulary. I am talking about the social elements that the military has taken in its advertising, elements that are not exclusively the domain of the military, such as the camaraderie and adventure.