I get one of the sickest feelings when I see a person on TV who has just won an "extreme makeover" contest. The show gets your set up for something wonderful--first you hear about a tragic life, maybe a struggle with poverty. Then this person has won a contest to change all that. Finally, you discover that the means to change their life is through altering their bodies.
Breast augmentation, fake hair lines, nose jobs--what are we really doing? We're telling the world that we're not good enough. That bumpy Mediterranean nose isn't good enough. Our culture, our personal history, our family, our bodies, who we are--its all not good enough. It must be destroyed and replaced with something else. We must--literally--cut out that essence of ourselves and replace it with something artificial. Then and only then can we expect to get the approval of our peers, their love and the happiness we crave.
The idea came out of a discussion in my recent Eschatology class. Abortion, it was said, is a form of suicide. To me, that idea also applies to plastic surgery and any over-the-top physical enhancements.
I'll never forget one of those extreme makeover shows. There was a woman who was just beautiful, shining out from within. She positively glowed. She also had a really large and awkward nose. Let me repeat: She was beautiful--maybe even because of her nose. I couldn't bear to watch her go in and have her nose changed. I couldn't watch her destroy herself like that, and I still mourn her to this day--she was killing herself.
Where do you draw the line? There's certainly nothing wrong with combing you hair or finding some nice outfits to wear. Those are enhancements to one's appearance. I won't feel bad about frying a wart off my hand. Maybe it all depends on the spirit with which its done. We all know people who can't go outside with one hair out of place, so plastic surgery or not they are still trapped, thinking their self worth is based on some exterior circumstance. A lot of people have tattoos, wear jewelry. I've never been drawn to those things, so its hard for me to relate, but the human race has always explored that kind of ornamentation. If someone were a burn victim, I wouldn't think anything of it if they got reconstructive surgery.
I'm not telling anyone what to do, only to ask you to consider what you are really doing.
But all of you who are bending to societal pressures (or your own inner pressures) are just making it that much harder for the rest of us who aren't. You are further marginalizing us, further reinforcing the idea that there is something unworthy about those of us with those traits.
If you allow yourself to look honestly at yourself, you might find that you actually look gorgeous with that bald head and those few extra pounds. You may see those scars on your face and the history they tell--why would you want to erase them? And what exactly are you erasing if you have them removed?
Amen, brother. To be perfectly honest, those guys that look too good looking are an eyesore. I like men with character to them. I love those odd features that make them uniquely themselves. The sexiest feature on my husband was his very fully receded hairline (also because he didnt deny it by comb overs, but kept his head shaved short so that the baldness just kind of blended him). Because of my husband, I find balding men sexy. For my husband, the balding just made him look like the "absent-minded professor" he always was to me (and he eventually wanted to be).
ReplyDeleteThough, I wouldnt call tattoos a form of suicide. I did mine totally for ornamental purposes... I wanted to decorate myself with something innately me (space, Mars). But I'm not going to go crazy with putting them all over my body. One is enough to make the statement about me that I want to make (which is basically to point out that I'm strange).
Plastic surgery stories make me sick. I used to watch "Dr. 90210" so that I could become totally disgusted with all the shallow people on it. But finally I decided I didnt need that stress in my life.
Oh, I am not really including tattoos in the mix, I am not sure where I stand on them.
ReplyDeleteI am sort of in a quandry where I see the extreme make-overs as being really sad, but I can't complain about normal stuff people do for their appearance like comb their hair, but there's this vast middle space between and I'm not sure where I would draw the line between something that's a reasonable thing to do for our appearance and something that's tragic.
I guess it really depends on what's in your heart. If you don't feel worthy as a human being unless you do these things, then I would suspect that's tragic. If you're just being expressive but its not tied to your feeling of self-worth, then who's to say its wrong?
Well, I think it's really sad when you feel you need to surgically fix something to make yourself feel better about yourself. That does suggest that our society only likes beautiful people. To me, it's the same thing as promoting super-skinniness in women... Our society tries to tell its women that anorexic girls are sexy and girls with a little bit of body fat are fat. Men always complain about women complaining about being fat... but our society pushes the idea that anorexic skinny is beautiful. It really does horrible things to a woman's self-image.
ReplyDeleteMarilyn Monroe would not be considered a sex symbol today. People would look at her as a "chubby" starlet...
Also, I read this book called _Reviving Ophelia_ which actually explores how women are taught to value themselves for their looks instead of their brains and integrity and how this affects them. I believe the analogy of suicide was used in there, which is really why this topic grabbed me. I think you are right on with this line of thought.
ReplyDeleteOh shoot, and I thought I had an original idea! Oh well.
ReplyDeletePlastic surgery is so based on shame.... shame to be yourself, feeling unworthy as a human being. And when you make a decision for plastic surgery, you are making a decision to define your life by your shame forever, to let your shame have the final say.
I was talking with Erin about it last night and the thing that really gets me about plastic surgery is that its so permanent. Of course, you can always change your mind later and have a change of heart, but the surgery itself has the intention of being permanent. Its such an exercise in giving up. Its not just a toupee that you can get rid of later when you learn to be more comfortable in your own skin, its for life. And if you do have a change of heart and regret it, its hard to un-do.
I was really disappointed that Bruce Springsteen got fake hair. He's as bald as anyone if he were natural. Here's a guy who spent his entire career screaming from the depths of his being to "be true" to yourself, and then he does something like this. Maybe he did it for "stage" reasons, but I think that BS. I don't really know why he did it but I think his music has suffered lately, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of it. His music is more rushed--still good, still inspiring, still a great guy, but something's off. Just look at recent pictures... its not just the hair, but there is something artificial going on. He looks a little silly. Its the Darth Vader analogy--you start with getting your hand replaced, but you hope that the machinery doesn't eventually take your soul, as well.
Its hard because attraction is important in any relationship, and what if a person has a feature that really turns people off? I admit that there have been people with features that have turned me off, even if I thought they were a beautiful person deep down. I struggle with this, too. But a lot of people rush to the conclusion that they aren't attractive a little too quickly, and often without trusting anyone else's opinion. And if there is someone out there who can't handle your features, then maybe someone else is a better choice. In the end, though, no one can make you feel good about yourself more than yourself, you are the one with the final say in that matter.
As a side note, plastic surgery has a lot more connotations. I know a lot of people who would never date someone who had certain features, because they are ashamed of having that person with them. They aren't having plastic surgery on themselves, but in a sense its the same logic because they want to "adorn" themselves with pretty people and would never step foot outside with someone who doesn't meet certain criteria. In a sense, its the same thing.
I personally have felt myself gain more self-confidence after I decided that I am the way I am, I look the way I look, and those who find these things attractive will be attracted to me; those who dont, I dont need to fret over. I guess I always think that though the overwhelming majority of men would not say I'm hot, one or two men out there probably think I am (or at least attractive enough to date) and that's all I care about. I'm happy with myself. (Though, I do get caught up in the whole "I'm so fat" obsession.)
ReplyDeleteSo I completely agree with your argument. You have to love yourself--or at least be okay with yourself--in order for other people to love you. Changing yourself to an image of what you think everyone wants is really a betrayal to yourself. It's the same as changing your personality to be more interesting to certain people... (I've seen girls completely change their personalities to win the affections of certain guys.)
It's like those Martians in _The Martian Chronicles_ who became what everyone wanted of them, which eventually ended up causing their demise. ;)
what would you guys think about a 400 pound person who loses a significant amount of weight and is left with sagging skin everywhere. It seems like in that situation, plastic surgery would be an option and a way for the person to "live in" to thier new body. It would be hard to finally lose weight and then look like a sideshow freak in the end. I think there are limits to how much skin can spring back.
ReplyDeleteThings that make ya say hmmmm......
Erin,
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't think anything if a burn victim got some reconstructive surgery, or someone with an outrageous condition were helped out.
But I think we're in trouble as a society where we think the answer to our troubles is to alter ourselves to "fit in" better. It is also as if that the first thing people consider, not the last resort. Instead of leaning into life and expanding our tolerance of people who have "flaws"--learning how to accept ourselves and others who have these issues--we are decreasing our tolerance and making the pressure to change greater for everyone.
Each surgery is not just an isolated case. It help creates a movement that generates more and more of the same negative energy, and you end up where you are REALLY out on the margins of society if you are the one who does not get some kind "enhancement." Its like those science fiction stories where there is a race of "super people" and the regular people.
While it is hard to be the judge for any one person as to whether or not their surgery is a good idea or not, there has got to be something wrong when it becomes such a widespread societal trend. I mean there are teenagers having nose jobs and breast surgeries! Donate the money to charity.
If you go to the third world, you will see lots of people with scars and all sorts of moles and such on their faces. Its really common because they don't have the luxury of having plastic surgery. It makes you wonder how many people are doing it in America, because you just don't see those kinds of features in anywhere near the same frequency. It makes you wonder if maybe a LOT of people have had something removed, cut, reformed or altered.
I, for one, would not allow my teenager to get a nose job or anything like that. I'd say, "You can do what you want when you're 18." Hopefully that wont happen because I've conveyed the right messages to my children about loving themselves. Though, remembering the pressures of life in high school, I guess I can't say that my message would get through at that time in their lives.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, any surgery that requires you to go under anaesthetic is dangerous because there's always the off-chance that you wont wake up from it. It's really not good for your body to be put under that kind of stress. That's always been my theory as to why I will only submit to necessary surgeries. Thus, plastic surgery being unnecessary except in special cases, I would see no feature I really need altered so much as to take this risk.
I agree with Frank that you should take things on a case-by-case basis. I think plastic surgery is great in helping burn victims or someone who has been disfigured horribly. Do they use plastic surgeons to rebuild a body when they pull apart siamese twins?
Anyway, I'm okay with it in unusual circumstances, like you said, Erin, with the person who lost a significant amount of weight and needs to get rid of the freakish flab. However, liposuction should not be used as a replacement for normal methods of losing weight under normal circumstances. I shouldnt get liposuction because I have fat rolls I dont like. If I really want to get rid of them, I should diet and exercise (doing lots of ab crunches, which I hate, which is also why I havent lost those damn rolls).
People who have a little fat like me, or girls who have no apparent fat but are obsessed with some piece of hanging skin, shouldnt go getting the fat removed in lieu of exercise. That's just LAZY. Get off your butt and exercise like everyone else does!
So, anyway... I guess I cant force people to be shallow with their plastic surgery. I can only keep to my own rules. I am fine with the body I got--bumps and small boobs and all. ;)
You write very well.
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