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A personal blog. I am an: Award-winning writer. Non-profit entrepreneur. Activist. Religious professional. Foodie. Musician. All around curious soul and Renaissance man.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

How To Find A Church

If you are anything like me, you've been stumbling through much of your adult years trying to find the right church . . . something you can belong to and feel good about. You've tried different places, denominations and non-denominations, fringe groups, road trips, bars, books, late night debates, gatherings of homeless people, and, in the words of Bono, you still haven't found what you're looking for (except for occasional moments of connection).

Here's where I've come to: If you haven't found a church by now, you're not going to find it. At least, not in that way.

The days of strict denominational allegiance are over. There are no street corner fistfights based on whether you think Jesus is fully human, fully divine, or something in between (there once were). Sure, you can still get into a scrap with a fundamentalist, but the days are long past when Anglicans would shun the Congregationalists who shunned the Presbyterians who all thought that Catholics were one rung short of a stepladder. Its an ever-increasingly ecumenical world we live in. In particular, religious outreach work and the halls of academia are very much ecumenical, and perhaps even post-denominational.

People like me go around trying to find the right church. We do this on a couple of levels. The first is trying to find the right denomination, something we can "agree with." However, each of us probably has a unique worldview. Our perspective is a very individual blend of all that we've been exposed to--media, community, schools, family, etc.--so there is probably no other single person who can really relate entirely. This was probably always true, but perhaps more now than ever. Face it: You're not going to agree completely with anybody.

We also try to find the right community. We want a community we can "get along with". We want to grow spiritually, but also to be in a community of like-minded people with minimal infractions.

In short, we don't want to grow.

As my former spiritual advisor Fr. Ron Atwood says, "The only thing for certain when people gather in community is that there's going to be conflict." The issue is not whether there is conflict or not, but whether a community can grow through it or not. Conflict is a tremendous--and absolutely necessary--ingredient for growth. The conflict doesn't have to be violent, it can simply be the tension when people with divergent views try to hash out a relationship--even when they don't agree on even the very approach to that relationship.

In our western world, we get caught up in whether something is "true" or not. We ask if a certain religion is "right" or not. Is that really the question we should be asking? I value the tradition of Christianity (and especially Catholicism) first and foremost. Along with that, I value the community. I value the faith. Only lastly do I value the conclusions it has reached. I have always seen the conclusions as evolving, anyway, and in that sense that are part of the tradition itself.

You could just make community with whomever crosses your path, however difficult it may be. That may seem extreme, but if you don't do that you need to affirm that there are times when people can't or shouldn't be in community. You have to draw a line.

Huddling with like-minded folks isn't going to get you anywhere, but isn't there a group of people with whom you just can't make community with? It would be an exercise in futility for me to congregate on a regular basis with fundamentalists. I have tried on a number of occasions, figuring that we could be in dialogue and enrich each others' lives, despite our different views. It has enriched our lives. But it has always come crashing down.

I do think it was simpler and perhaps better a couple of generations ago in the Catholic Church in this regard: You were simply assigned to a parish! It was based on geography, so you were with your neighbors. You had to make it work where you were at. If you were the only person there proclaiming social justice, then God bless you! I don't see a problem with this, just as long as there is some kind of flexibility to accommodate times when people just can't make it work and need a fresh start. So if someone had a question about which church to belong to, I would normally just tell them to stay where they were at. Problem is that many today don't have a home parish in the first place, and I'm not sure how you pick one.

So I don't really know how to find a church. Sorry, I lied in the title of this post. But I do know that finding one you can "agree with " is unlikely, and one you can "get along with" possibly unhealthy, as well. Those are probably not the best criteria to use.

Making some kind of lateral conversion from one denomination to another doesn't make sense in this day and age. I would guess that most who convert probably do so more because they appreciate the community more than due to a change of belief. At most, I find myself rooted in the denomination of Catholicism but also very much ecumenical. I think its important to be both, even though they are contradictory concepts. I'm very much inspired when I see that my favorite religious leaders have been rooted deeply within a tradition, even though their beliefs and vision range far beyond anything trite or dogmatic. I think of Daniel Berrigan, Thomas Merton, Oscar Romero, Dorothy Day--these folks have probably entertained more "new age" beliefs than Oprah Winfrey. Merton practiced meditation with Buddhists, as a quick example. By being rooted so deeply, they seemed to be able to blossom so much more than if they belonged to a church that professes no dogmas. I think they are on to something.

They got there through hard work, and a lifetime of humility, study, outreach, and stumbling through life with an open heart. Like Bonhoeffer's term "cheap grace", I call what is going on today "cheap new age." You can't go around proclaiming the divinity of every human person unless you've been in the deepest, nastiest, most horrendous trenches. Its not something you seize, its something you get and an understanding you come to by emptying yourself (which relates to a discussion about Philippians in MysticalSeeker's blog). Traditional Christianity seems to understand this. This is probably what has bothered me most about new age religions. Its not necessarily the beliefs they come to. Some are disturbing, some are not. Its the fact that they got there without the work. Its like cheating on your final exam and getting all the answers right, but not going through the studying and the reading to get there.

9 comments:

  1. Not to bring up Unitarian Universalism again, BUT... UUism isnt really new age. Its roots -- both in the Unitarian and Univeralism sects -- are in Judeo-Christian beliefs. Unitarians were a group of Christians who believed there was no original biblical basis for the trinity, so they split off. The Universalists believed God was too good to damn his children and that everyone was saved -- regardless of whether you believed in Jesus or not. The two sects merged together for strength in the early 20th century, I think (I never remember dates, I just know that it happened because it was more powerful of an association together than alone.)

    It's just that now they've opened the doors to accepting Buddhism, Hinduism, Paganism, Muslim as valid cannons (and thankfully, not Scientology!).

    I just had to preface my next statements with that cuz I dont want to be lumped in with the "new age" group. In fact, the order of our service is very familiar to Christian tradition--it's just all the references specifically to a god or Jesus are stripped out. We talk in generalities of "divine beings" or "energies" or "force" or whatever one choses to believe.

    I spent a great deal of time searching for a religion and a community after my husband died. I knew I needed it to get through... I tried paganism for awhile, but that didnt work. Anyway, I really feel I've hit everything I long for in a church at the UU church I attend in Kent. I guess the nice thing about a UU is that no one expects everyone to believe the same thing there so you already have the freedom that you know you wont agree with everyone most days. So, that said, we spend our time worshipping life, the divine what-ever, and adding social justice works. I've really found a home there. But probably most people who are looking to practice Christian dogma won't be that into it. I guess it works well for someone like me, a former atheist, who feels compelled to believe in something because of certain observed truths...

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  2. Well, I certainly didn't intend to come off as condeming any particular approach. I'm just drawing observations, comparisons and trying to pick a path. I'm not trying to lump people together and box people up like that. There is plenty of room for criticism and compliments for all approaches. I'm just writing where I'm at right now.

    In the end, I feel rooted in Catholicism but am very universal in my beliefs. There is a real paradox there, and I think its important. I feel the tradition is just too rich to walk away from, because there so much that is subtle and refined like pebbles on the beach, and when we leave it we don't know what we're leaving behind. But I know why people want to leave.

    I think there is value to sticking with a longstanding tradition like Catholicism, even if my beliefs are often more ecumenical (i.e. universalist). I actually think the Catholic Church is much more open to a wide array of voices than most people give it credit for, such as the great mystics, saints and peopel such as the ones I mentioned in my post.

    I used the term "new age", but I'm not sure if that is the best word for what I'm describing. I'm thinking of people like author Matthew Fox... I can't fault what he says, but he just seems so creepy.

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  3. Oh, I definitely find value and worth in Christianity. I think that most of my roots are Christian, if not Catholic (being that I was raised Catholic). I have lots of respect for the religion and, really, I've found myself lately really interested in the study of the religion, to really learn what it was, as opposed to what I assumed it was all these years. In the process, I've gotten into the mystics/Gnostics texts and I'm reading some biblical criticism (currently reading _Misquoting Jesus_). I've found some stuff in the Gnostic texts that I really connect with, too.

    I could not get along well with fundamentalists. I just cant accept that whole "accept Jesus or else" philosophy. I guess I'm universalist in that respect, believing that God is too good to condemn his own children--he has too much love for them, even when they make mistakes. My perception of a God is not one that stands in judgement overall, but who invites people into his fold, and if they chose to reject the invitation, that is their perogative, but that he would take back anyone who asked to come back into the fold at any time. I am not even sure we can apply human rules to the divine life, ie, I am not sure that people get punished for the things they've done on earth. Perhaps at some point during death, you're forced to face the pain you've caused others as penance. I dont know. I dont even pretend to understand how that all works.

    Anyway, there are a lot of great Christian teachings and I'm struggling to get to them all by finally (for the first time ever) reading the Bible along with the scholarly research surrounding it.

    I guess the reason I'm UU is because I dont accept that any religion (except Scientology -- tee-hee) is particularly wrong. I think everyone's just struggling to explain that divine life-force they've felt at some point and experienced, but no one can quite get it accurately because it's beyond our comprehension.

    I've found Catholics to have a much more liberal reading of the Bible. Like I've said before, I really like the a lot of the opinions you post on here about religion and I always look forward to reading them. The kind Christianity you write about is a pill I can swallow and I tend to agree with a lot of what you say.

    So I wasnt really trying to split hairs. I guess I was just pointing out that I've managed to find a good church that seems to fit me well. I sometimes have moments during the service -- it happened once this week -- where I just feel all the love of the community and God and it just feels so centering and peaceful. I often leave the services feeling fulfilled and balanced. I've never felt that way before in a church... It's just so rewarding. And it makes me want to contribute to the community of the church and the community at large all the more. Like I want to be a part of "spreading the love."

    Also, I have to say that becoming UU has allowed me to respect other religions a lot more, including the Christianity I used to disdain. I can now go into a Catholic or other Christian church and find the beauty in the service and not feel weird. When I go to another Christian service, it feels all right for me now because I know we're all worshipping the same God (different ideas of him maybe). So I've been able to feel centered during those services too. That's a REAL accomplishment for me. I've opened my mind and let myself experience spirituality again...

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  4. I agree with Mars girl's statement that I have a hard time believing in a God that stands in judgement over us, I believe that he is inviting us into the fold.

    My sister (a raging fundamentalist) may say the same- except that, in order for you to go to heaven, you need to accept Christ as your savior.

    I figure, God, Christ or the Holy Spirit will make himself known to me and welcome me to join him. I believe he will give every person the opportunity- Buddhist, Muslim, young, old, unbaptised and baptised alike.

    I have great difficulty accepting any religion that writes people off.

    I was very pleased to learn that my archaic vantage points about Catholocism are old thoughts and they have come a long way from what I was taught.

    So, I seek a church where there is an openness to the fact that God will make himself known and will welcome folks to be with him.

    At least, I hope that is true.

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  5. I always think it's a mistake to say that Jesus is the way to salvation. Whatever you think Jesus was -- God incarnated into man, a great philosopher, the Son of God -- I dont think he ever intended to be taken so literally when he said, "Believe in me and not perish but have everlasting life."

    In my opinion, he meant to follow the way he was teaching, not to idolize him in the godlike manner in which Protestants and fundamentalists often do (and I didnt mean to say that all Protestants are fundamentalist). To me, it seems typically human of us to have interpretted him this way. Instead of following what he taught, we chose to worship him instead. To me, it just seems like humans jumbled up his message and took him a bit too literally.

    I cant remember the passage, but it's in Matthew and it's often quoted as the reason for the whole "accept Jesus as your Savior and be saved" spiel. I have read this passage and, in context with the rest of what he was saying, it really seems to me that he said, "Do as I do and you will be in God's graces." Not, "Believe in me and it doesnt matter what you do, you are saved."

    I dunno. I'm no biblical scholar. And now I've drifted off topic... ;)

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  6. So let me try to clear up some stuff from my post:

    Its one thing to tell myself not to be too hung up over the beliefs of a particular denomination or parish. But at the same time, if I just fall back into any place regardless of belief and just "go with it", I could end up in a fundamentalist church, cult, or something rather unsavory.

    You need to use some sense. But I guess the question is: To what degress do I have to align myself with a particular belief system in order to participate in the community?

    Community is going to be difficult. You can't grow without that. But just going anywhere at anytime may not be right, either.

    A church like the Catholic Church has a deep scholarly tradition, deep artistic history, tradition of the mystics, monks and is truly a leader in religious social justice activism today. The Catholic Church also contains everything else you can think of, including some of the most narrow-minded, spirit squashing policies and its own brand of fundamentalism. And everything in between. The range of humanity is present. Perhaps that is what makes it appealing to me: There is the tension of a diverse community but plenty of stuff that nourishes me, as well.

    In the end, you go where you go, and you don't go where you go. I think its better to go somewhere, though. So far, I've not been drawn to churches that profess no dogmas.

    I don't want to come off as selling Catholicism to anyone, just trying to explain why I do what I do.

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  7. Well, that's fine. I am hard-pressed to find a Catholic church, though, that is as fundamentalist as some of the Protestant sects. Though, I suppose those people exist in every flavor of Catholicism.

    (And, hey, we sell what works for us, ie, how I keep "selling" my brand of non-dogmatic faith ;)mar

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  8. Oops, I meant to write: you go where you go, and you don't go where you don't go.

    Minor detail, but it was confusing!

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  9. I guess, ultimately, you just got to go to a church that "calls to you." Kind of like how I picked a college -- I went to the one that "felt" like I belonged there. I feel the same way about my church. You gotta realize no situation is going to be PERFECT. But there's gotta be a place whose message you hear... you know?

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