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A personal blog. I am an: Award-winning writer. Non-profit entrepreneur. Activist. Religious professional. Foodie. Musician. All around curious soul and Renaissance man.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Old Folks and Mission Trips

I was going to write a response to the comments by Erin (and others) in a number of posts below such as "Good Religion", "Karate Kids Explains Liturgy" and "Invoking Nazism", but thought it was worthy enough for a post all of its own.

What does it mean to be “church”?

Do I pick a church based on finding a community of people I generally agree with or people I generally do not agree with? Do I find a place that I can help grow or one which will help me grow? Conflict in any community is inevitable, and you can't grow if you are only around people you agree with, but its also hard to practice a faith among people you are completely at odds with.

In the recent Catholic past, you often stuck with the faith you were born into and very often the Church told you which parish to go to based on geography. In some ways, I like that system. You work with what you got. You build church where you're at. That makes a lot of sense to me, since I have trouble finding other criteria to pick a church.

Some people believe that "church" is the people you interact with in your normal life--work, school, neighborhood, family. They may not understand driving 30 minutes across town to another parish if there is one at the end of your street, regardless of denomination. Others may prefer worshipping with people they do not otherwise see in "regular" life—being removed from your daily routine, they can give you an outside perspective.

Fr. Ron Atwood (St. Francis Parish, Columbus, OH) told me to dig in and get into a parish, because that is where the world is, not just people I agree with (that by itself is an interesting concept, because many people would say they go to church to congregate with like-minded people as a refuge from the world!) Maybe it is a matter of balancing parish life with small-group activities like a Bible study or outreach group where the temperament and beliefs are more akin to mine.

I have found church in a couple places throughout my life. Growing up, I have the fondest memories of the old folks at church. I hung out with my mom at the Quilting Bee, running back and forth to play in the old church attic with my sister. I remember helping my family clean the pews after mass and set up booths outside for the annual Chicken Dinner. I have a wonderful image of my grandmother sitting among the church ladies peeling potatoes and telling stories. Those are some of the best people I have ever been blessed to know. I remember that wonderful feeling leaving mass, with the organ still playing in the loft and the summer sunshine of a warn, Sunday afternoon.

I found church again (or better said—church hit me square in the eye) as a senior in high school. I went on a week-long service retreat. I spent a week in deep community prayer, service to the poor, and community living. My life was changed forevermore, and I still think of my life in pre/post Nazareth Farm, WV, terms. I have since sought out mission trips, community living and outreach to the needy as both a vocation and how I like to spend my free time. I have really found my faith in those “mountaintop” retreat experiences and in the out-of-the-way groups like the Catholic Worker. Simply attending mass may be dull for the average Catholic, but the faith on the margins of the Church is jaw-droppingly powerful.

Fr. Atwood also suggests that truly experiencing parish life means actually attending on a regular basis. Going to a church service 1-2 times makes you a spectator, not a living part of a parish. Some of the greatest joys of parish life are only really experienced in the week after week, year after year belonging. In that, parish life may not be so dull at all.

Perhaps I’m answering my own question in that “church” is some sort of blend of all of the above criteria. But a few things are for sure: The era of your grandparents church is winding down, as Fr. Atwood says, with Quilting Bee’s, church-made pierogies and colachi (nut rolls--my family pronounces them "co-LAH-chee", but I've never see any kind of spelling out there that resembles that), beloved but fading traditions. The ethnic churches of the Catholic past are still strong, but only for recent immigrants, just like they were for my grandparents. Church is also rarely the “huddled masses” of the tight-knit, early Christians who risked persecution. Today, church seems less about the fabric of your life and more about an extra-curricular club you join. Church is seen as an option rather than something that everybody does. At least, that's how it is in my neck of the woods.

In this discussion, I see a couple of different models developing: There is the family/neighborhood arrangement, where church is woven through your life. There is the detached support group model, where people gather to retreat and regroup. There is the more mission-driven approach of a tight-knit, closed community. There is parish life with extra-curricular groups within, and there is church itself which is an extra-curricular activity to the rest of life. Are there others I'm missing?

I still do not know why I have been unable to re-join parish life again. There are good parishes in Columbus. Fr. Atwood believes that the main reason people do not belong to a church as an adult is that they have not mourned the loss of their childhood parish. There are not any more Quilting Bee's or old folks standing around speaking Slovak. For better or for worse, those days have passed. Let it be said right here and right now that those days and those people are sorely missed. But there is a new day, too. It was rare to have a Bible study or a mission trip in the parishes of 50 years ago. Today's new ecumenism brings possibilities for sharing faith life with people from all denominations. My life is ever the richer for my friendships and faith-sharing with people from other faiths and even other parishes, for that matter. For better or for worse, this is the day that is here.

No, these parishes of today will probably never hold a candle in my heart to the old farming church I grew up in. But its not fair for me to be putting these churches in competition. That was then and this is now, and going to a new parish is not a replacement for the church of my past. I'm simply where I am right here and right now, and they are the church of today. I need them, and they need me.

7 comments:

  1. I guess on some levels, once I got over the whole idea of even attending a church (as a former atheist), it was easier for me to choose a church because I don't have those kind of fond child memories growing up. I was pretty much raised atheist (had Catholic catechisms, but I told my mom I no longer wanted to attend them in sixth grade and she let me and my brother quit, since she really thought she was atheist anyway).

    So I dont really have that memory of "my grandmother's church." But I know other friends who use these things as their criteria, and I think that's nice. In a way, I wish I had a positive religious memory from my youth. I'm making them all now.

    I like where I'm attending now because it has everything -- a social justice arm, small group ministries (I'm attending one tonight) for individual study, and a sense of community in attending service. It's funny because for the first time in my life, church isn't something I'm being forced to attend -- I actually want to go! Which was the most surprising to me... that I actually ENJOY waking up on a Sunday morning to go and I look FORWARD to the service. That's a new experience for me.

    I dont know. I think I originally started going in search of some help and healing for me... but now I feel like I'm going for a greater good. I want to become more involved in the church and its outreach programs and stuff... I probably will with time. I just officially became a member in October.

    But, alas, I'm a Unitarian Universalist, which pretty much means I cant make up my mind about one particular faith... =) Though, we do study all faiths, which has broadened my appreciation of everyone else's. I no longer squirm in Christian services -- I've found beauty in them as well. And I own my first Bible ever cuz I actually decided I should probably read it since I knew nothing before.

    I'm growing. Who knows... maybe someday I will again embrace the faith of my youth (Roman Catholicism), but I don't know.

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  2. So then, how do you choose? No place will be perfect, but there will be places where it is more possible to feel like you are at home.

    Church for me is being in a safe place where I can explore my spirituality, share concepts I can stomach with my children, and feel some guidance and inspiration. Ultimately, a place to help me connect with my/our source.

    So, what now? Where to go? I guess I am trusting in the notion that I will know when I happen upon it. God willing :-)

    The first step for me now is to go somewhere.

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  3. The "Old Folks" and "Mission Trips" have been the two places that immediately come to mind when I consider where I have felt "church" in my life, but they have not been the only times.

    Both of those experiences were sort-of conflict-free (there were scuffles, but usually they were resolved and the euphoria also carried us through them). Mission trips were very brief and definitely a high. The church of my youth is colored with childhood nostalgia, which is wonderful but not always accurate.

    I also experienced church among my friends in college in and around formal groups like the Newman Club, FCA and Disciples Fellowship. I tend to lump my college experiences into the "mission trip" days, but--while related--they were not the same. It was a community (and communities) with conflicts, and it was good.

    Since college, I have been active in Catholic Worker communities and have found much church there. I played in the band at the Newman Center in Columbus for about a year, and that kept me going regularly. I now enjoy church somewhat in my Theology classes at Ohio Dominican University. However, in many of these activities feels like I'm on the outside looking in, participating when I feel like it then backing away--not a committed relationship.

    Fr. Atwood says is that anytime people get together the one thing that is inevitable is conflict. Read the Letter of Galatians for evidence--even the early apostles were fighting tooth and nail, and the debates have not subsided since.

    The question is: How do you manage conflict once the honeymoon period is over? How do you stick with it, and how to you justify sticking with it? I used to see conflict as a sign that its time to run. I now see conflict as a sign of growing pains and opportunity for growth. Conflict cannot be avoided in relationship, it just has to be worked through. It's as simple as that.

    This is something groups of idealists often have trouble resolving, as their desire for idealism makes them want to run away when a beautiful, intentional community shows the gritty details of real life and human conflict. A lot of people give up at the 3-12 month point when the honeymoon comes (usually) to an abrupt end.

    So my big question is: how do I find or create the beauty of my childhood church, which represents what long-term, parish life could and should be like.... with the peak experiences of a missions trip or retreat, with advanced theological engagement, service and deep community bonds? Is such a thing possible?

    Many churches are exploring "small group" organizing as a way of addressing this.

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  4. I think you hit on it, Frank... It IS a lot like a relationship -- moments of beauty and occasional conflict. To keep a good thing going, though, you have to work through the rough times. I guess a lot of people get impatient with their church when the uglier sides of the community show because they want it to always be this euphoric spiritual experience. But, you know, life doesn't *always* feel that way. In a relationship with another person, it's not always perfect. I guess what you have to do in these situations is focus on the bigger picture. This is what you do in a relationship. You don't stop loving someone because you had an argument, hopefully your love is enough to keep you committed to making things work out.

    Isn't there something in the Bible about loving the church that is also analogous to a relationship with a person? (I think it's sometimes used in wedding ceremonies.) It suggests a relationship with the church... And if you're in relationship with the church, shouldn't you weather the storms with it? Assumably everyone involved would be working towards the same goals.

    But I dunno. I am new to the whole church thing. I just know how relationships work on some level (though brief my most important one was) and your words jogged an analogy in me. It just seems you're describing trying to find a relationship with a church and keeping it.

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  5. I guess that still leaves the question as to how to pick a church. If a church relationship is like a dating relationship, that gives us some guidelines for how to manage it and when to call it quits and when not to. But still, how do you pick in the first place?

    At some point, I'd like to publish a post entitled "Why I'm Catholic", but its a terribly hard one to write. Its not hard for me to make that decision, but its really hard to put words to it. I would like to share that at some point.

    I certainly enjoy all the ecumenical dialogue and relationships and experiences of other faiths, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But when its all said and done, I go home to the Catholic Church. I think that's a good thing.

    Its good for me to admit that, and I'm not trying to hammer anyone else about it. The reason I'm saying it is more because I need to affirm myself out in the open. I grew up with a lot of shame for being Catholic, and didn't always advertise it. But its good and its okay to be Catholic.

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  6. Was the shame you felt for being Catholic internal or external? Did you feel shamed by other (non-Catholic) Christians? Or is this a general shame? Diane always says that Catholicism is the "red-headed step child" of Christianity. In my recent exploration of non-denomenational churches and other Christian churches, I did notice a trend towards scoffing at the Catholic faith... which I always found insulting, even if I'm not Catholic anymore.

    I had the opposite sort of feeling growing up. I never felt ashamed to be Catholic (when I was Catholic) because my entire family on my mom's side was Catholic, so I think I assumed it was the norm. My mom (when she was Catholic) made it sound like all the other Christian faiths were "weird." So I think I've always been slightly biased towards Catholicism as a result of this.

    Of course, I live in a sort of broken faith world (with my mom and me both leaving religion). So my understanding of Catholicism is still stuck at that of a sixth grader's level.

    It's kind of frustrating because I think that Catholicism was the first organized Christian faith that formed... you would think that more Christians would be on that bandwagon simply because of the purity of its form. I dont know -- closer to Jesus?

    I guess every other Christian "branch-off" tries to say its the purest form of Christianity, though. The purest form would be following Jesus around and listening to his sermons, I suppose... Since we can't do that, no one what exactly the "right" form of it should be.

    Lately, though, I've wondered why all these other Christian sects put down all the others. And why they have to put such a rift between them and Catholics. Arent they all, when you get right down to it, believing ultimately in the same thing? I've just noticed that the different sects have these minor philosophical differences. I've been trying to sort them all out...

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  7. I returned on December 19, 2007 from a two week Baptist Mission trip to Rwanda. Although I seldom go to church I enjoyed this trip very much; it was the trip of a lifetime for me. Although we helped build a school dormitory I really didn't do much of the physical work. I was there to meet the people and I met a lot of them. The other six people on the trip pretty much kept to themselves. They were all afraid to venture out and meet the people. Rwanda is the greenest and the cleanest country I have ever seen. I felt myself growing spiritually every day I was there. I attended church 8 or 10 times while I was there and four of these times it was Catholic mass, which astounded the Baptists and I thin, also annoyed them. They wouldn't set foot inside the Catholic Church although Mother Theresa's order of sisters, the Sisters of Calcutta, were situated there. Rwanda is the greenest and the cleanest country I've ever seen. It's people are wonderful, happy people. As a person from Uganda told me on the plane from Heathrow to Toronto on our way home, "It's s struggle for souls in Africa amongst the Christian Churches and it's a big problem."

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